Set For Greater Things

Posted on Tue Nov 8th, 2022 @ 11:47pm by Commander Liala Ziyal & Cadet First Class Pallas

Mission: The Goddess
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: Backpost -- sometime after "Intimidation"
3865 words - 7.7 OF Standard Post Measure

She stared at the wall, ignoring the book that was pulled up on her PADD. Cadet Pallas sat in the waiting room outside of the Counselor's Office. It felt as natural and regular now as changing into her workout gear before training or packing her knapsack before class. Just something she did, waiting for a counseling session. Of course, that didn't mean that the sessions weren't a challenge for her. Even after four years of therapy, since when her Starfleet sponsors suggested it would help with her Academy application, there were still areas of her psyche that Pallas found hard to discuss with an alien stranger. And starting with a brand new counselor... it had been a while since she had to go through that.

This would be Liala's first time meeting an Ardanan. She did not know much of their history but had brushed up slightly as she had known that one would be crossing the threshold that was her door. That and had a look into the history of one Cadet Pallas. She had definitely had a hard time of it, there was no mistake on that front, but Liala wasn't interested in reading about her. She wanted to get to know her, hear from her, not words on a page. This was a new beginning and would be treated as such.

The doors of the office swooshed open with their usual grace and Liala's sparkling soft blue eyes fell on the smaller dark-haired woman patiently waiting. "Cadet Pallas?" she said softly as to not startle her. "You can come in now if you are ready." she moved to the side a little giving room for her to pass.

The cadet stood, gave a stiff smile back, and moved past the Counselor into the room. She looked to the chair where she assumed she would be sitting and took steps toward it, but waited for the senior officer before moving any further or sitting. She stood at ease, with her hands clasped behind her back, facing the door, her eyes taking in the senior officer to whom she would, inevitably, open up. They were about the same height, but the way the Counselor carried herself gave her a presence that Pallas did not have. Thoughts, not new ones, rattled around in her head. How it would feel to have to repeat herself, her life story, all over again. What sort of approach would she take? What schools of psychology does she subscribe to? Would they be a good fit and, how would it affect her training cruise if they were not?

"Please sit." Liala spoke in a somewhat motherly tone. It was full of empathy, care and softness, the way she had always spoke to those visiting her. Liala could sense the anxiety, the feelings of unease but still the sense of wonder and curiosity about what was to come and how they would both interact with each other. "Would you like something to drink? I know talking about yourself under these circumstances can leave a few with a rather dry mouth." she asked.

The cadet eased up further and sat down, as requested. "Chamomile tea, if you don't mind, Counselor," she responded before realizing that she was surprised by the question. None of Pallas's previous therapists had offered her a refreshment. She logged the tidbit of information, the concern with making Pallas feel at ease. The chair was comfortable enough for sitting for a full session. She looked around the room to take in the decor while she waited for the Commander to join her.

"Coming right up." Liala said as she went to the replicator and ordered the chamomile tea for Pallas and a hot chocolate for herself. Coming back over she placed the tea down on the table for the cadet and sat across from her but to the side of the table. It was a school of thought in therapy that anything in between therapist and patient was a unneeded barrier and she liked an open space.

"Is the room warm enough? Lighting okay?" she asked. "I want you to be comfortable here and that begins with the right environment for you to relax in... well as best you can." she smiled knowingly.

"It's fine, sir. Thank you for asking." Her posture was still straight as she considered the tea for a moment but then looked back up, directly at the Counselor. "So. How should I begin? Do you want me to recount my life story and early childhood traumas to begin with, or do you have a different approach in mind? I think I have it down now so that I can hit all the highlights in under 45 minutes."

"Please, you can call me Dr. Ziyal, or Liala if that makes you more comfortable." Liala replied. "I think you should tell me about you. What do you enjoy, what do you hate? How are you settling in on board so far? We can talk about whatever you want. I feel a rehashing of traumatic events tends to have a repetitive detrimental effect on a person. Almost like reliving that life over and over. Now we can talk about it if you want. We can talk about bits of it at a time as and when they come up, if things bother you that bring on a need to revisit but I'm not one for purposely putting your through a nightmare, Pallas."

"Hm." The cadet thought for a moment before replying. "I would say that so far, I'm settling in on board okay, relatively speaking. It's... not what I expected. I figured that with a Training Cruise, they would send me, a mere cadet, somewhere that was stable, where there was a normal routine to give me a taste of what 'regular' life in Starfleet might be like. And then I show up here and, well... things are not stable. The ship is still being sewn back together, it seems like most of the previous crew are dead or missing, and we are on the hunt for some kind of religious fundamentalist terrorists who are impersonating Starfleet and attacking the heart of Federation space." Pallas laughed darkly. "Is it inappropriate to say that, despite all this, I have met some very nice people so far?"

"Not at all." Liala chuckled. "The crew of the Arcadia, the ship most of us have transferred from, are a nice bunch of people. Although it is tragic what happened on board the Gladiator. This was Captain Hawkins original command and he's taken it back to find the people responsible for what happened here." she spoke remorsefully. "I think you'll find Pallas that as Starfleet has sent you to one of the flagships of the fleet that there is nothing 'routine' about us. So, you'll be kept busy, which I think is important in a learning process."

The cadet nodded. "Yes. Nice and busy. Even Doctor Svidi, who comes off as quite no-nonsense and even abrupt, is still incredibly dedicated, and I'm learning a lot from being on her rotation." She thought back to the earlier question. "I'm not sure how to begin telling you about me in a way that doesn't involve repeating the story of my trauma. I feel like that's what every therapist I've worked with is actually interested in, in the end, regardless of how I get there. I mean, if you're not, great, but something about needing to get at that to actually help me heal, or something like that. The need for progress. But, okay, I'll try, it's worth a shot. I've finished all my coursework at the Academy, where I mostly studied because something in me felt that taking on three majors was a good idea. So, there wasn't much time for anything else, with the major exception of taking up boxing competitively for the school team. I made some close friends, others who felt like outsiders the way I did, mostly those from either non-Federation planets or ones at the peripheries. 'Outties,' we called ourselves. I like books, I like learning--so as you said, being here on the Gladiator seems to be great for that--especially about other civilizations and their histories, I like puzzles, and I like fixing things. With my hands. And math. And science." She paused before going into the things she hated.

Liala laughed a little, "Yes, Timia is definitely a colourful woman. She's a good friend and a very smart woman. You will learn a lot from her." Liala knew Timia well enough to know the learning process might seem direct, but the cadet would be in very good hands.

Now the conversation moved back onto Pallas' needs. "Please do not think I am not interested in your trauma, I am. The healing process can only truly begin when you feel comfortable with yourself and who you are talking to. If you don't feel comfortable with me then you won't open up and the process stalls." Liala explained.

"It is good that made friends. The very fact you were able to form friendships is a good thing. It means you are open to relationships; you have the ability to trust and are looking for connection." Liala explained. "You look for challenges, feel the need to improve yourself and look to solve puzzles and fix things because it gives you a feeling of control and satisfaction when you do solve them." Liala continued.

"See telling me about you, what you like, who you are, gives me insight into you as a person and how you view the world. Given your character it shows you want to heal, to move forward and improve. Some don't, but I am glad to see that you do." Liala smiled.

"Now, you can tell me what you dislike. What angers you? Annoyances?"

Although these were not new insights for Pallas, it was nonetheless reassuring to know that the Counselor picked up on the same things that previous therapists had, and if not faster, then at least was more transparent in sharing what she was observing. Being able to form friendships with complete strangers, much less those from different species, had not come easily or naturally to Pallas. It was, in fact, her awkwardness that had led to her earliest and closest friendships at the Academy. Even then, she did not trust them at first. But Liala's point was well-taken: the capacity was there. There wasn't anything about her that was so fundamentally broken or alien that she was incapable of those connections.

"The smell of human coffee. It's terrible. Everywhere, all pervading. Couldn't escape it at the Academy, can't escape it here. I'm not sure if that falls into 'dislike,' 'annoyance,' or 'anger,'" she laughed. "Rules that are unjust, or don't make sense. Those anger me. Unnecessary suffering. Watching those who have the ability to make things better sit by and do nothing with their power."

Liala laughed softly, "Yes, that particular addiction has stayed with the Human race for a very long time. It seems to be one that is acceptable amongst the others they have wiped out. I do like one from time to time but much prefer tea if I am honest." she said looking down at her cup and took a sip.

"Linking in with what you said though... is that how you felt on your own world? Before joining us here in Starfleet?" Liala had read up a little on Pallas' home world so had an insight but not an understanding.

"When I was younger, yes. Before Ardana re-joined the Federation. I'm embarrassed to say that even though I've frequently wondered if Ardana is the only planet to leave the Federation and then re-join, I never looked that up while I was at Starfleet. I mean, it's probably a question the computer could answer if I asked. I guess that means part of me doesn't want to know, or at least doesn't want to think about it. But the uniqueness of the situation doesn't really matter, actually; it's not the crux of the issue. We re-joined the Federation, replicators and technology worth a century of progress came flooding in, and things are much better today than they were when I was younger. You know, the Federation knew we were there the whole time. For that long century between the beginning of the Great Disruption that the USS Enterprise started with its visit, and the crash landing of Stratos. The apartheid regime had withdrawn the whole of Ardana from the Federation, but who were they to speak for the Troglytes, for those who didn't live in Stratos? When the civil war ended, and the old regime had fallen... I guess, yes, the short answer is yes. That's how I felt on Ardana. When I was younger."

"You know I'd need to check on that." Liala thought aloud. It had piqued her interest. "I am sure in the long history of the Federation there have been a few." she added as Pallas continued.

"I will admit that the Federation often turns a blind eye to problems they create. The Enterprise was not the first, nor will it be the last, to cause problems on worlds that are not quite ready to know what the galaxy holds. I sometimes believe we should act more responsibly... but I am not the President, or an Admiral to make those decisions even if I have berated a few." she smiled to herself more than anything. There had been a few instances where she had given an Admiral an earful.

"Were those in Stratos the higher echelons so to speak?" she asked. "Troglytes deemed of being lower class?" she added. "Is your family still on Ardana?"

"Yes," Pallas nodded, "Stratos was a floating city, the pinnacle of earlier technological development, aided by the increased intellect of some genetic engineering. There was nothing more worthy about the ones who first settled there, but over generations they convinced themselves they were better. The Troglytes, which is what those on Stratos called the vast majority stuck on the planet, were being poisoned by environmental damage caused by the mining of zenite... It's not unique, to Ardana, I know." She sunk back in her seat for a moment, and then shook off the story and answered the other question. "Yes, my whole family is on Ardana. My parents and five siblings, all of them."

"How do they feel about you joining Starfleet?" Liala asked interested to see how her family viewed her choice of future. It usually also gave insight into how confident people became in their lives. A strong family that backs someone often leads to a strong and confident person... most of the time.

"They are proud of me. Excited that I'm joining the organization that did so much for our planet. And they try to hide it, but they are very scared, too. Worried about me getting hurt somewhere. None of the rest of my family, including my parents, have ever left Ardana. So even though they have access to all the information about the rest of the galaxy, they have holodecks now too and can experience it, they still can't fully fathom what it's like to just... zoom. Fly through space."

"I can understand their fear. The job can be dangerous, but I have found that the pro's always outweigh the cons. The allure of discovery, of science and pushing boundaries. Of meeting new species and understanding them. It's what Starfleet is all about, most of the time." she paused remembering the Dominion War. Sometimes things got rough, people pushed, and Starfleet often pushed back. "Would your parents ever relocate?" she asked with interest. "Any of your siblings want to follow your footsteps?"

"I do not think my parents would. They are well settled in to their lives, pillars of the community and always taking in strays like me, even if they are not adopting them. There is still a lot of work to be done on Ardana to catch it up to the rest of the Federation, and I think most of my family, including my siblings, thing that the most helpful they can be is at home. But one or two of the youngest ones might try to get off-world eventually. Hard to say at their age. I am guessing I will likely be a bad influence, in that way, showing them their other options," the cadet smiled slightly.

"I can understand that. Duty to one's home is a powerful instinct, but it can be done a number of ways. I'd imagine for some the prospect of being one of a few of their species in Starfleet is another way can be a good thing." Liala replied. "And there is nothing wrong with being a positive bad influence." she chuckled. "I have been in Starfleet for over 50 years, and I do not regret the decision to put the uniform on. I mean aside from things like the Dominion War and other darker times it has been a joy to be a part of."

"Is it unusual for an El Aurian to be in Starfleet?" Pallas ventured, reminded by the Counselor's reflections of the question that she had wondered when reviewing the crew manifest before arriving on the Gladiator. "I know this session is supposed to be about me, but... the same is true for you, isn't it? Being one of a few of your species in Starfleet? Is it seen as a good choice that you made, among your people?"

"Not overly." Liala replied honestly. "I know there are more of us in Starfleet than you think, and I don't mind a bit of back and forth. Building a relationship goes both ways. Back to your question though, my people have seen the decision to leave our world as a negative one in some respects. Our Grand Council believes we should be all together and rebuild a new home... some of us believe we are building something too in the relationships we form. We can both further our people by 'flying the flag' to use a Human expression."

Pallas nodded, taking in the insight without getting too into her place anthropologist brain. "I suppose... it is somewhat the same for me. There is some way that making the galaxy better contributes to rebuilding Ardana, too. Even though it is there... I am not saying that what happened to us over centuries is anything like what happened to your people. My apologies for maybe overstating the similarities. I do appreciate your perspective. It is helpful to know that I am not the only one who has a complex relationship with home. It was the same at the Academy, finding others who could understand that just because things are a certain way in the Federation does not mean it is that way everywhere."

"Oh no, I would never compare the two either. My people are just a little more reserved after losing El Auria to the Borg. People who choose a life outside of Kaitos, our new world, has been met with some 'resistance' to put it mildly." Liala smiled softly. "You do not need to apologise, Pallas. Everyone has their views on others, this is a safe space where you can air those in an environment where you feel comfortable to do so. We are somewhat of kindred spirits and I remember being a cadet. You feel the pressure of your instructors, of your people, family but more so the pressure you put on yourself to succeed." she leaned forward a bit to emphasise her next words." You come here if you need to vent, if you need to talk, if you need to just sit in the company of someone else and not talk. I am that person. Success is not just measured by the pips on your collar but of your ability to understand that how you grow as a person, that you embrace who you are, and open up to new ideas." Liala paused realising she was probably laying it on a bit thick. "I'd rather you were a happy Ensign than an unhappy Commander."

“Is that the goal, Counselor? To be happy?” Pallas asked, her lips involuntarily squishing a bit to the side as she reflected on the sentiment. Liala said the two of them were kindred spirits, but she didn’t feel anything like the kind of clarity the Commander seemed to express. “All I have wanted since I can remember was to be part of Starfleet. And now I am almost there. I am not sure that I thought ahead to whether I would be a happy or unhappy officer. Just being part of it all seemed like enough.”

"I think the goal of many is to be happy in what they do and what they have accomplished in life." Liala replied. "There will, of course, be aspects we wish we can change, life isn't perfect, but we should always strive for what we want. Things that make us happy." she added before considering Pallas' words. "For now, if you are happy with what you have, what you are doing, then it would appear you are satisfied so far with your current life. I don't think we need to try and pull things apart that don't need it. In this moment if you are happy in what you do, where you are, and in who you are then I am happy to see a smiling face as it walks out my door." she checked her small wristwatch subtly, even though it was not a timed session she was well aware of a cadet's timetable.

"I think you will make a fine addition to this ship cadet. Starfleet is lucky to have you and I for one am glad you stopped by, and we had this chat. I know you will be a busy person and I do not wish to keep you if you have other things to do."

Pallas stood, neither hurried nor slowly, slightly at attention but also with a greater ease than when she had started the session. "Thank you, Counselor," the cadet said sincerely. "I appreciate your time today. I look forward to speaking with you again. Perhaps, sometime, I can ask you some questions outside of a session. I believe I have a lot to learn from you about... life, I suppose," she moved her hands in a vague circle.

"Of course, Pallas." Liala said softly as they walked to the door of the office. "I have enjoyed our time here today as well and my door is always open. If you ever need me outside of 'working' hours, then just contact me. We can meet for food, drink, whatever and you can ask me all the questions you want. I have lived longer than most and am always happy to try and guide those that want it. Take care, cadet." she said with a small nod as Pallas left on their journey.

Where their next stop took them only, they knew. One thing Liala knew, was that she was set for great things.